Casanova
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: Red Vs Blue. In which Tex and Church use Tucker to explain the word 'casanova' to Caboose. Rated T for language and suggestive themes. Implied Tucker/Grif. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: If you still think I own RVB, then there's something wrong with you.**

**Yo! Zephyr here! So I was playing "Hotel Dusk: Room 215" last night and a conversation between Rosa and Hyde inspired this short oneshot. I literally wrote it in about half an hour in the middle of the night, so I'm not sure how good it'll be. I think everyone's in character, which is kinda hard for me, but oh well. Let the deadly tale begin!**

"I'm telling you that's what it means!"

Tucker walked into the living room and found Tex and Church arguing with Caboose. On a normal day, Tucker would simply assume that Caboose was being told not to hide from invisible monster on top of the fridge, but Tucker figured that it wasn't a normal conversation when he saw that Tex had a dictionary open on her lap.

"We have a dictionary?" Tucker frowned as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it with his lighter.

"Good, you can help us explain this to Caboose." Church took a drag on his already lit cigarette before tapping the ashes into a nearby ashtray.

"Explain what, dude?" Tucker asked, sounding very much like Vic from Blue Command. "I can't very well explain something if I don't know what I'm explaining."

"We're explaining to Caboose what a casanova is." Tex said patiently, sensing that Church was getting angry with Tucker as well as Caboose, who was tossing his cobalt blue helmet up in the air.

"Tucker is a perfect example of a casanova." Church said as he leaned back in the couch.

"If that means that I like to be with beautiful women-" Tucker started to say.

"Or men." Church interrupted.

"-then that's definitely me." Tucker said with a nod.

"To be a casanova means that you're very…promiscuous." Tex said.

"Yeah, I don't know what half of those words meant." Caboose shook his head.

"I'm not promiscuous!" Tucker exclaimed. "I have a boyfriend now!"

"Just because you're dating Grif doesn't mean that you can't be promiscuous." Church took a final drag on his cigarette before he smashed it into the ashtray.

"But I do it a hell of a lot less now." Tucker said.

"But what does that even mean?" Caboose asked.

"That Tucker's not being our resident man-whore anymore?" Church's eyes found Caboose.

"No, that P word you said earlier." Caboose shook his head. "Promisor? Promethazine? Promulgate? Prometheus?"

"Promiscuous?" Tex raised her eyebrows.

"Yes!" Caboose exclaimed. "That one!"

"Oh my God…" Church groaned.

"Basically, Caboose, it means that Tucker likes to be with other people, since he's bi." Tex said.

"Oh!" Caboose gasped. "Does that mean that he likes to play catch with-"

"He means that he likes to fuck them, Caboose." Church sounded like he was about to throttle the other Blue.

"Of course I do." Tucker took a drag on his cigarette. "What else would I do with them?"

"What else do you do with Grif when you're with him?" Tex asked.

"Just fuck him, basically." Tucker shrugged.

"So you're top then…" Tex said to herself.

"What's that mean?" Caboose asked eagerly.

"That's another story for another day, Caboose." Church said before he turned to Tex and said, "Does it really matter-"

"Church, is that what you and Tex do every night?" Caboose interrupted.

"Yes." Tucker answered. "I see I'm not the only one who hears."

"Can we get back on subject?" Church demanded.

"Why do you even want to know what a casanova is?" Tucker frowned.

"Donut told Caboose that it was a type of wine." Tex responded.

"I wonder how Donut got that in his head." Tucker mused.

"It's Donut." Church had since turned on the TV and the PlayStation2 and was now playing _Final Fantasy XIII_. "I'm sure we don't want to know."

"But Caboose doesn't believe that it has any sexual connotation at all." Tex said.

"It sounds too pretty for that." Caboose nodded.

"What's the dictionary definition?" Tucker asked.

"It basically comes from the last name of a famous explorer guy who liked to fuck a lot of women." Church said as his fingers mashed the PS2 controller.

"And that is Tucker?" Caboose looked at the dark-haired Blue in confusion. "So Tucker is a casanova because he likes to sleep with other women in the sense that does not mean to really sleep, but the other meaning that we can't really talk about?"

"We can talk about it, Caboose, and yes." Tex nods. "But don't forget Tucker likes to screw men just s much as women. You can be a casanova while screwing guys, too."

"You guys make me seem like I'm some kind of slut." Tucker said. When Tex and Church gave him skeptic looks, he said, "Okay, maybe I am."

"And now the lightbulb in the attics of Tucker's mind turns on." Church rolled his eyes.

"Hello, light bulb!" Caboose yelled.

"Shut up, Caboose." Tex and Tucker snapped.

"So do you understand what it means, Caboose?" Church asked.

"Sure." Caboose nodded. "Whenever I hear that word, I'll just think of Tucker."

"I suppose that's as close as we're going to get, huh?" Tex sighed as she slammed the dictionary shut.

"Sounds like it." Church nodded. "And you might as well keep that dictionary open, Tex. You don't know when Caboose is going to need another word defined."

**I face-palmed so many times while writing this. *laughs* So that's it! I hope it was a good read. Reviews equal love. Thanks for reading!**


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